dimanche 9 septembre 2012

Ici, maintenant

Hare Om!

L'envie d'écrire est de retour! Pour ceux que ça intéresse, je vous écrirai sur ma vision de la vie, le yoga et la spiritualité.

Assise dans un café, rue Mont-Royal, maintenant deux mois dans la vie quotidienne vélo, boulot, dodo, je peux enfin dire que je suis de retour et ancrée au sol montréalais. Je découvre qui est Roxanne, j'apprends à m'écouter et à respecter la yogini que je suis. Il est si facile de ne pas écouter cette petite voix qui me murmure constamment, me guide, et reprendre un rythme qui ne me convient plus. Le ici, maintenant devient essentiel. Un jour à la fois!

Une observation suite à mon combat interne des dernières semaines : la peur d'être jugée (c'est-à-dire peur de ne pas être aimée) a beaucoup d'impact sur mes actions mais il est important de réaliser que le regard des autres n'a en fait aucune importance. Combien de fois par jour cherchons-nous l'approbation de notre entourage? La règle numéro 1 est d'être à l'écoute, de ne pas se juger, d'observer et de s'accepter tel que nous sommes à ce moment précis. Tout revient à l'amour de soi.

Même écrire ce billet devient pour moi une pratique. Que vont penser les autres? Pourquoi est-ce que j'écris ce billet? La réponse du moment : parce que ça me tente pour le plaisir d'écrire peu importe ce que les autres en pensent! Mais après quelques minutes d'observation, je note une peur bien cachée dans mon corps, ma gorge se resserre. Qui va me lire? Est-ce que c'est intéressant? Pourquoi est-ce que je veux écrire? Besoin d'être reconnue? C'est drôle d'avoir cette réflexion car en Inde, étant plus détachée, j'écrivais tout simplement et je n'avais aucune peur d'être jugée.

Présentement, j'observe mes patterns relationnels. Est-ce que je fais cette action par protection, par peur, par automatisme ou par choix? J'essaie de ne plus agir en fonction de ce je crois que les autres veulent que je sois. Je suis une Roxanne différente, un peu bizarre pour certains, mais je suis de plus en plus en contact avec ce côté spirituel qui m'habite et qui a toujours été très vivant mais un peu refoulé. Être à l'écoute demeure le seul moyen de ne pas s'oublier et de s'aimer! Le yoga et la méditation sont à mon avis les meilleurs outils pour rester ancrée dans ce moment présent.

Pendant mon séjour en Inde, pour ma formation de yoga à San Francisco, j'ai écrit quelques textes sur le yoga. Je vous les partagerai dans les prochaines semaines. Ils sont en anglais mais je peux les traduire si ça intéresse certains d'entre vous! Voici donc le premier sur les obstacles du mental, les kleshas, et sur les huit branches du yoga selon Patanjali. Bonne lecture! Namasté!!

Essaie no. 1 - rédaction en 20 avril 2012 :

As I'm reading and reflecting on the eight-limbs of Asthanga Yoga, it gets clear that this path of Patanjali is a profound answer to this need of surrendering the our True-Self and a road to freedom from sufferings. I'm currently in a meditation retreats in the Himalayas in India (thankfully my teacher has allowed me to study for this training a few hours per day :-)) and I feel blessed to be following this calling for freedom in this sacred land.

This aliveness that we are all searching, hidden deep within, has been covered by obstacles of the mind, the kleshas. These causes of misery are five in number: avidya (ignorance), asmita (limited self-concept), raga (attachment), dvesa (aversion) and abhinivesha (fear of death).

Avidya direct to a certain acceptance of what we think is reality, which can be considered superficial or even an illusion of life really is and what we are. When this reality is limited to what we know to our senses, we then also most certainly have a wrong view of the world. This ignorance is based on this inaccurate amd unclear perception of life, not seeing the impermanence of life for example. Asmita, on the other hand, leads to a wrong identification to the body and ego. Because we identify to this body, the ego, the individual self, gets bigger, a sense of pride and a small "me" becomes more and more present in our mind. Wanting to be special and unique is a good example! This is something I have recognized in my meditation these last days. This ego wants to be recognized in so many ways! Like my teacher says, we are all just ordinary human beings living an ordinary life! From previous joyful and happy experiences, raga emerges which is a great attachment to pleasure. Food, material possesions, sex, Internet, i-phone, even relationships not based on unconditional love, anything needed to make us feel good bringing a profound attachment and suffering. On the other side, the obstacle dvesa is an excessive aversion that arises from bad past experiences in life. With raga and dvesa, we then solidify an identification around what we want or don't want, likes and dislikes we could say, and have a tendency to repeat these obstacles all are life if we don't take the time to notice and let go of them. Abhinivesha, fear of death, is if the biggest fear that inhabites most of the human beings and the root to most of all the other fears that arise through are life. This wrong conception that the body is us gets us attached and fearful of an end when the body dies. Letting go of this bodily attachment and surrendering to God, our True-Self, we can then get past that fear and enjoy the life that is always within us that never dies and was never born!

All these obstacles to freedom can be diminished or even disappear if we learn to control them, acknowledge them, self-enquire and follow this eight-limb path described by Patanjali to expanded awareness. The yamas, the first limb, help to have an ethical life in society, a lifestyle that minimize tension and daily worries. Ahimsa (non-violence), satya (truth), asteya (non-stealing), bramacharya (continence) and aparigraha (non-coveting) are set of guidelines that build a good foundation to our life with others. The niyamas on the other hand are rules that help the individual sustain a dedicated life, therefore helping us focus on our path. There is five niyamas: saucha (purity of our body, food we eat, thoughts and words), santosa (to be content with what we have), tapas (effort, energy towards our goal in life), svadhyaya (study of spirituality and Self) and isvara pranidhana (dedication of our actions to the divine). With the support of the yamas and niyamas, it is then easier to set our mind on the third limb, asana. Practicing asana brings health to the body and a deep communion with all. It is also good tools to help focus the mind. Through asanas, we can acknowledge constant changes and also connect to the divine within.  For me, it is a great dance with life, a dance with my breath, a dance with my body and a deep connection opening to just what is. Pranayama is the fourth tool. Learning to control and extend the prana, the breath, we then can relax the nervous system and have a quieter mind helping to bring concentration. The rythm of breath is a good indicator of our mental, emotional and physical state. Being able to slow it down, our attention can be more focused. Prathyara is then easier to obtain, the next step. The senses can now come inward instead of reaching to everything external and allow us to slowly come back within. After calming our senses so they don't distract the mind, we can now bring our full concentration, dharana, to a certain action or focus like a mantra, a flower,  our breath, a certain area of the body, etc. The awareness of the mind is controlled on this particular action, focus. After reaching full concentration, we now can reach a state of meditation, dhyana. In meditation, we can feel the aliveness within, the openess that lives in us. Slowy we can then touch our True-Self, letting go of all our layers of suffering and attachments. The final state, samadhi, is reached when a total union with the divine is there. Fully aware and conscious of this big One which we all are!

By following this path, I have seen the effects of each step on a mental, emotional, physical, spiritual state. Of course, I go from one to the other in an irregular order, having to go back to the niyamas for a better foundation if I catch myself loosing ground and then going to a meditation phase after having found a good concentration in my sittings, it all works out so that maybe one day in this life or the next I might reach samadhi or at the very best let go of a few sufferings ;-)!

Namasté!

Yogini Rox